Slow boat to Laos

Sabai dee,

Good morning from Don Det, an island in southern Laos very close to the Cambodian border. I woke up this morning around 7:30, dove into the Mekong river and swam to the nearest island where I did some pushups and sit-ups and attempted to meditate before swimming back to devour a hearty breakfast. This has been my morning for the last few days. The last place I wrote about was Pai in northern Thailand where I was over two weeks ago, so perhaps some gaps should be filled.

The journey from Pai to Luang Prabang, Laos, was not easy nor was it short. For three days we traveled, by van, boat, Tuk Tuk, and at times on foot. First, we took a minivan from Pai back to Chiang Mai, and this leg of the journey was the most arduous, for though it only took around four hours it’s not exactly like cruising down the Mass Pike. This leg is one long merciless, steep, mountainous winding road. The van never exceeds more than 30 km an hour. Even for the strong willed this is a nauseating experience. In fact, on the way to Pai from Chiang Mai I sat next to a Chinese tourist who made it about an hour before her lunch was deployed into a plastic bag. This was somewhat helpful though in motivating me to maintain ruthless concentration on the horizon.

Back in Chiang Mai we had an hour to kill before changing vans. We found some cheap yet delicious street food, noodle soup with pork if my memory serves me. At the bus station we spoke with the travel agent for a while whose english was excellent. When I told him I was from America he became very excited, saying that he’d always wanted to visit America but was now unable to. When I asked why, he said that he’d illegally shipped rubble from Indian monasteries after an earthquake to his brother-in-law in the States, hoping to cash in on the black-market antiquities trade. He is now banned forever from both the US and India. Nice guy though, shame.

Our van to Chiang Kong at the Thai-Laos border took around six hours but I was able to sleep some of the way. We arrived at our “hotel” around 1:30am and were informed that we would be woken at 6am in order to fetch our visas. One might surmise by the usage of quotes around hotel that this wasn’t one of the finest places I have ever stayed. My room had clearly been converted from office space, a fierce odor lingered, the bathroom was dingy, the lights and fan didn’t work, the walls were littered with crawly things, and bed bugs had built a surprisingly upscale row of condos on my blanket. Despite all of that, I slept OK. I had spent the last 3 years on a pricy mattress with 2 inches of memory foam but it’s amazing how quickly one can adapt on the road.

We rose after a few hours of restless sleep for our complimentary “breakfast.” Once again the use of quotes here is meant to convey the quality of our morning meal as subpar. We were told that breakfast would be included in the price of our ticket to Laos. A meal of one hard boiled egg and 2 pieces of toast was offered to us, but coffee and tea cost extra. Outraged, I demanded audience with upper management so that I might learn them what a complimentary breakfast at a hotel should include. Totes kidding, I ate my toast and egg and paid extra for a cup of tea and kept my mouth shut.

After breakfast I flossed for the first time in a while and then took a good, long look at myself in the mirror, liked what I saw, then rummaged through my bag for my frisbee. While other people filled out visa application forms I spent a precious 20 minutes tossing the bee with the boys, trying out some new throws, making between-the-legs catches while winking at locals passing by who returned vacant, confused stares.

We hopped on a Tuk Tuk to the border, filled out the requisite paperwork, then took a ferry (a canoe, really) across the channel into Laos. There we retrieved our visas in chaotic fashion. The queue for turning in visa applications was more of a giant blob funneled into a single window where a teller retrieved one’s forms, passport, and $35 (US). Then everyone waited until their name was called to pick up their passport and Laos visa. Naturally I was uncomfortable with this process as it required me to leave my passport in the hands of an overworked stranger, and then wait in the middle of an anxious crowd until my name was called by someone who spoke no English. My last name is Riemer-Peltz. Over the course of my life my last name has been mispronounced by nearly everyone, even people who have known me for years, so yeah, I did not expect this to go smoothly.

While waiting for our visas we met two Canadian ladies named Jill and Alex who quickly became part of our group. Lovely girls, very fun and might I add adorable. They added a new element to the group dynamic which made the slow boat that much more fun. Quick aside about them: Jill is very energetic, talented at coming up with fun group games, and has mastered that part in Forgetting Sarah Marshall where Jonah Hill asks Russel Brand to check out his demo (“…and I feel terribow”).  Alex is mellow, a good conversationist, and isn’t opposed to a little cuddling every now and then. We parted ways just 2 days ago and I already miss them.

I received my visa without much issue. One of the perks of being an American is that there are very few of us traveling compared to British, Dutch, or Canadian travelers. So when I heard someone shout “Amellica!”                                                                                              I knew I was in business.

 

We collected ourselves, withdrew some Laotian money from an ATM (first time I’ve had a million of anything), bought some food, water, and beer and then took Tuk Tuks to the Mekong. There was an option to take a fast boat which would have reached Luang Prabang in 6 hours, but apparently it’s very loud, bumpy, uncomfortable, and dangerous especially in the dry season. Plus we found out that it’s quite environmentally unfriendly, the last        straw. To the slow boat!

We spent the next two days on the Mekong River, about 9 hours each day. I heard plenty of bad press about this journey but I had a ball. This was in large part due to being with a big group, plus we had prime seating up front where we could face each other, far from the bathroom and noisy engine in the back. The boat ride was really pleasant, the company good, the weather beautiful, and the scenes, well, scenic.

I took some documentary footage each day, which should give you a good idea of the atmosphere. The first day I’m clearly very tired after not much sleep the previous night.

I’m not sure exactly where we stopped for the night, but I can say that it was a small town where the economy is based solely on the arrival of passengers from these boat trips. The locals were aggressive to say the least. Tuk tuk drivers tried to sell us opium before we even left the boat, children came aboard and stole our snacks before we could blink, and some of the people in our group were bullied into more expensive rooms when they checked into their guesthouse. Weird place. After a night of good sleep, thankfully, we were on the boat once more. Here’s part two of the documentary. Since we all got a good night’s sleep the mood is accordingly much sillier and upbeat.

We arrived in Luang Prabang around 6pm, a group of 14 people in Laos’ most popular destination during peak season and with no reservations. We wandered around with all our stuff, pleading at various guesthouses to take us in to no avail. Finally, we found a place with one vacant four-bed suite. We took it, and it was in this room that I slept for four nights, with more than 10 other people. Pretttty cozy.

I am going to sign off now because two lovely young women in bikinis have asked me to join them for a swim and I would prefer not to be rude. Detailed accounts of Luang Prabang, Vang Vieng, and 4,000 Islands on the way. Stay tuned!